Your Opinion Of You Is The Only One That Matter

Seeking approval from others withholds your freedom and independence. It can make you a slave to opinions to ensure your emotional balance. This often feels like the most necessary part of life. But true self-fulfillment derives from the Self, the self-concept of you, not another’s view of you. Your self-concept is the source of your self-confidence (not to be confused with arrogance, which is an aspect of insecurity disguised as confidence). Self-confidence is defined as perceiving your own worth, your own strengths and skills. If we place too much value on someone else’s opinions or reactions to us, it can hinder our self-worth. Self-worth is about you and how you value yourself.

We often permit others to perform a particular role in our lives. This is because we desire their endorsements. Perhaps you have a friend, family member, partner, co-worker or boss who controls your feelings because you yearn to please him or her in order to maintain harmony or feel like you matter. What you may not realize is that the approval and harmony you are seeking is nothing that others can give you. It stems from your own insecurities. You are seeking their endorsement for assurance of your value, something you doubt, and this doubt means their approval is only temporarily satisfying. The joyful fulfillment you seek – which we all need – can only come from within you, not from others’ approval of you.

Validation from others rarely comes without cost.  Your neediness can leave you vulnerable to manipulation or control by others. Their desires and goals – their use of you – can have negative consequences to your self-esteem. You think you need what they offer, but you don’t really. Others’ opinions are sometimes helpful, if the other person is wise and cares about you, or even if they just see something you don’t but no individual can be supported 100 percent of the time; therefore, you must learn to rely on yourself for reassurance.

As a counselor and hypnotherapist specializing in the field of metaphysics, I work with my clients to help them comprehend that their need for approval developed early in childhood, deep within the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is responsible for all of your emotions, including the fear of disapproval.

Ways that the Parent/Child Relationship is Responsible for Approval/Disapproval!

We seek approval from others to assist in building our own self-esteem. We were taught as a child that attention feels astounding! The desire individuals have for the love and acceptance of their parents is so intense because it is necessary for the helpless infant to survive. Even the growing child, becoming independent, needs far more care than she or he can give themselves.

What happens is that, over time, we are conditioned to always look for that security. This is often complicated by rejection or ridicule from a parent. Disapproval, coldness, indifference, abandonment, in whatever form or to whatever degree, leaves us feeling unsafe and unprotected. We try even harder—go to any lengths—to get what as children we desperately need. Any means we come up with to get the attention or approval of parents or other caretakers sets a precedent for our lives. Individuals learn to meticulously develop behavior patterns in order to feed this need of approval.

Some approval seeking behaviors are:

·         Expressing agreement when you do not agree

·         Stating yes when you believe no

·         Attempting to manipulate your environment to increase agreement or approval

·         Feeling worried or upset because someone doesn’t agree with you

·         Deforming your personal character or beliefs to fit in

The problem with approval-seeking behaviors is they typically result in the opposite of what you seek. Most individuals admire those who stand up for what they believe in and who are respectful of their own and others’ opinions. Self-validation creates a support for your own beliefs, which ensures self-esteem.

If approval from others is what you seek, begin by approving and valuing yourself first. This is self-worth. In order to develop this incredible trait, you must learn to accept the authentic you. You may be afraid of this person. You may not think the authentic you is worth very much. I believe you are wrong, but I understand the fear. You may need to start slowly. Identify qualities in yourself that you like and appreciate. Just one quality…then another. When you do or say something that makes you feel good about who you are, affirm it! Acknowledge your hard work and be proud of your decisions. Do not look around for another’s approval. Take the opportunity to stand on your own. Your liberation will be exhilarating!

It will be easier the next time. As with everything, habit develops, and you begin to see that in fact you are a unique person, someone you like and admire.

Once value and worth has been established, like magic everything in your life will begin to change. Creating self-fulfillment through self-worth gives you independence and freedom from others’ judgments and approvals. Your opinion of you is the only one that matters!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall; NO NEED for a Magical Mirror at All!

As the fairy tale portrays, the evil queen sought validation for her exquisite beauty from an external source, the magical mirror. The reality is, effective validation comes from within. We as humans are a reflection of our essence both inside and out. Creating personal growth begins with observing your individual interior and exterior existence.

If you desire change, search no further. Begin to recognize who you are and the beliefs you have about yourself. The answers are all around you. Let me explain. The evil queen did not actually have confidence in the fact that she was the fairest of them all. That which she sought confirmation for, she did not believe she possessed. She did not trust in her own exquisiteness because she lacked the capacity to acknowledge attractiveness, and even forbade beauty to exist within others.

As a counselor and hypnotherapist specializing in the field of metaphysics, I work with my clients by exploring the fact that their external world is the reflection of their internal world, and vice versa. Through metaphysical philosophies, I explain the world we encompass and are encompassed by. I begin by suggesting that everything in existence is energy, including our thoughts (universal energy) and our behaviors (physical energy). Our exterior world (physical energy) reflects our interior world (universal energy), which is a mirror of true self-reflection. This concept is called “External Replication.” 

All of us possess our own unique energy signature. This distinct energy signature has a frequency that is transmitted to our outer worlds…Like equals Like! Ever hear the saying “birds of a feather flock together?” Our friends, our jobs, our relationships, virtually everything in our outer world is a replication of our inner world. Positive and negative; healthy and unhealthy.

Recognizing the positive and healthy attributes of External Replication can be exciting, motivating, and reassuring. On the other hand, challenging though it may be, personal growth and evolution arise from exploring the undesirable External Replications in our lives.

Let us consider the fairytale of the evil queen as an example. Each morning upon wakening, she required confirmation from a magical mirror that she was truly beautiful. What does this imply? External Replication indicates that due to the daily validation she needed, she did not believe herself beautiful. In fact, she was so afraid that she wasn’t beautiful, or not beautiful enough, that she was willing to murder her stepdaughter to retain the title “fairest of them all.”

When I see clients who want to create personal growth and change, I immediately focus on two areas of concern. First, External Replication and second, The Universal Law of Reflection. Universal laws draw upon the insights of the metaphysical sciences and traditional philosophies and extends beyond them to help us understand, predict and even shape our very own personal experiences.

The Universal Law of Reflection suggests that both the positive and negative traits that you recognize in others, you actually identify within yourself. There are three basic components of reflection:

First, that which you admire in others is something you recognize as existing within yourself. Maybe you’re conscious of it, maybe not. Most likely you recognize that you admire those who hold your values, or have advantages that you think important…because they are yours! Ever find yourself making statements like, wow…she has a beautiful face, or, man…he is a hard worker? If so, these are actually traits that you admire within yourself! Meaning, you believe that you possess a beautiful face and you, too, are a hard worker.  So far, so good.

Second, that which you resist represents something you are afraid of. Ever have a resistance to trying a new exotic food? How about that judgment you feel toward those who take more risks than you do or are openly very affectionate with their loved ones? We resist that which we fear. We as humans have a comfort zone, and when we feel threatened by change or the possibility of loss, we resist out of fear.

Third, that which you react to is the thing you dislike within yourself. We all experience behaviors we dislike in others. When we react, we have unconsciously attached our own negative emotion about ourselves to the other person. Our reactions are telling our emotional secrets that we believe we hide from both the world and ourselves. What kind of person can you just not stand? The liar? The lazybones? The gossip? Maybe you’re not exactly like that person, but…is there some part of you that is less than honest, that is taking the easy way, that is indiscreet?

A Facebook Inspirationalist, Cheyenne Mauria, recently told her followers: “Nothing happens to me, it happens because of me. It is my personal obligation to take responsibility for my disappointments along with my successes.” This quote embodies self-responsibility, which is essential for the Universal Law of Reflection to work effectively.

Using External Replication and the Law of Reflection, the evil queen – had she been willing –   could have begun to understand that an area of focus for personal growth would be self-confidence and self-esteem. Like the queen, each of us could benefit from placing a little more value on our own self-worth!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall…I DO NOT need you after all!

Mastering Resolutions

The age-old belief that each New Year brings an opportunity for self-improvement and transformation motivates the resolutions that so many of us make toward the end of the holiday season. If you have made such New Year’s Resolutions, however, then you are probably also familiar with the challenge of losing momentum as the months pass and the demands of daily life take over.

Is there anything that we can do to maintain our goals and thereby Master our Resolutions? The answer is yes!

As a counselor and hypnotherapist specializing in the field of metaphysics, I begin with a basic but powerful premise: that all things in existence are based in energy, including our goals!

Why is that? Because our resolutions for self-improvement must be manifested through thoughts, words, and actions, all of which are based in energy. You must be clear and precise when setting your objective because everything is energy! We can acquire the knowledge we need to succeed by using the Universal Laws of Intention and Action to actualize our intentions and manifest our desires.

Let us explore how you can accomplish this year’s resolutions by applying The Universal Laws. Ask yourself these questions:

·         What are my precise thoughts and objectives regarding my goal?

·         What steps have I taken towards achieving this goal?

·         How will I feel when I achieve my goal? 

The Law of Action plus The Law of Intention creates your Resolution!

Precision is key when working towards your goal (your intention). It is important that you achieve clarity about what you want. Change is brought about by focusing your conscious awareness (your thoughts) toward both attention (your action) and intention (your goal). Your attention is focused on the actions that you take in the present and your intention is set to manifest your goal in the future. Action and Intention work hand in hand to direct the energy flow towards your desired manifestation. Emotions are also a must in propelling and focusing your energy. It is imperative that you attach positive feelings to the goal you seek to accomplish.

In my practice, I often work with frustrated clients who are unable to achieve their goals, including one of the most common examples of a New Year’s Resolution--weight loss. I begin each session by introducing the Universal Laws and their potential for focusing our source energy to achieve transformation. I then ask each client about their specific methods of achieving their goal, and guide them through the process of completion.

What is the intention of your weight loss?

You need to align the exact purpose of your weight loss with the Universal Laws, so it is vitally important to clarify this in your own mind. This reason can differ from person to person, including to achieve a healthier lifestyle, live a longer and more active life or improve your body image.

Remember to be specific, for this is your intention (your goal).

What Action have you taken towards weight loss?

What physical attention (your action) have you taken for weight loss reduction? Examples might include a reduction in portion size, cutting back on sugars, or beginning a new exercise program.

When you picture yourself after achieving your weight loss goal, how do you feel?

Now, close your eyes and envision yourself after your desired weight loss. You’ve accomplished your goal! How do you feel? Ah…here it is, the emotion that you are seeking through the Law of Action and the Law of Intention.

Now the Universe must Correspond to this emotion. It’s that simple!

Be careful not to let a sense of urgency or anxiety bring about negativity or discouragement while on your journey. This causes internal conflict and can disrupt the energy flow that you are directing toward manifesting your resolution. Emotions are very important where energy is concerned so ALWAYS keep it positive!

What are you waiting for? Your goal is actually waiting for you! Allow the Universal Laws to manifest your desires. Let your new year be your new way of thinking and become the Master of your own Resolutions in 2016!

Always consult your medical doctor before starting any type of nutritional or exercise regimen.

Forgiveness

Letting go of the past changes our present vibration to move towards the future path we are meant to excel in!

Belief

Nothing makes us more beautiful than the belief that we are beautiful!